Sacrifice to Smiles

This is Jinlee-- she's a 3 year old missionary on base and brings me a lot of smiles.

I've been on mission in Haiti for 67 days now and one thing is for sure...I miss home. Because leaving home meant I had to make a lot of sacrifices and that's truthfully been quite uncomfortable and quite difficult.

I thought I would share at least some of those sacrifices, despite the common practice of most missionaries to avoid the topic, because after all, a large part of the Gospel is in fact about sacrifice. However, let me not set this up as a venting session about my "inconvenienced" time in Haiti (which is an entirely relative term), rather a time to also highlight many redemptions, because sacrifice, without redemption would be meaningless--just ask Jesus.

1. Running water is not a guarantee here. And if we've got it, it isn't safe to drink.
2. Ice... what is that again?
3. I live on a base...all the time. No coffee shops, or grocery stores, or fast food, or driving to a friends house right down the street...ever.
4. I live in community with about 30 other very different people--enough said.
5. Rice, beans and chicken are on the menu...every.single.day.
6. Sleep...what is that again?
7. I sleep with, shower with, and just plain live with a lot of bugs--most of which look like they've been pumped with steroids.
8. We have electricity for 5 hours a day...most of the time. Sometimes, not at all.
9. It's hot...all the time. No seriously, I live in my sweat.
10. Personal space is non existent.
11. We start every morning with 2-3 hours of prayer...in a language I don't speak or understand.

Now, these are small sacrifices, but when added up, equal quite a bit of frustration and discomfort. But, that's why they're sacrifices, right. So, here is the beautiful thing about being here in Haiti. Despite these random 11 things that I chose to share, there are SO many more things that make me smile each day and remind me why I am here. Here are just a few things that have made me smile, quickly overshadowing the surely small sacrifices. 

1. Three little boys asked me to air up their soccer ball so they could play on the base. Their joy over something so small lit up my heart.
2. Watching the Haitian women dance and sing in the kitchen while cooking. Beautiful.
3. Creatively communicating with someone I don't share a language with. Funny, and effective.
4. Giving God the first fruits of my day...every day. Necessary and a gift.
5. Having 30 other faithful, prayerful, people right next to me if I am struggling with something. 
6. Making funny faces with/at the Haitian teens because we can't communicate and knowing that it's enough to build a relationship.
7. Not constantly having a t.v., or computer, or phone, or electricity available actually allows for less distractions and more relational time. Amazing.
8. Walking into a home and praying with a family I have never met, may never see again, but knowing that God is working and will continue to work beyond that moment.
9. Only having to walk 2 minutes across the base to go to Mass, to get food, to clean clothes, or to go to the beach.
10. Living on the base with a priest and having a chance to go to Confession anytime I want/need to.
11. Being challenged in ways that I know will help lead me to Heaven.
12. Little children at the orphanage literally playing with dried corn cobs... and totally happy.
13. Having food to eat...every.single.day.
14. Knowing that my small sacrifices can help bring others to Christ.

This list is clearly not exhaustive, but I hope shows some of the joy that is found in my time here in Haiti. As I write this, I even smile remembering that Mother Teresa, in all her wisdom, said "Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing." Today, I am smiling in my sacrifices so that I can love the people in Haiti even with cultural and language barriers. And, in two weeks, I will be smiling through sacrifices at home--because let's face it, in order to love, sacrifices must be made anywhere we are.

Wisdom Found in Selfies

Natalie is at an orphanage in Haiti. Please pray for this little 9 year old gift from God.

As I sat on a dirty slab of concrete, on a monastery mountaintop in Haiti, holding little orphan Natalie on my lap, she grabbed my phone and began to take pictures. The complete joy she exuded from something as simple as selfies brought tears to my eyes. She took many photos of our faces, hers covered in sugar from the ring pop I gave her, and mine sharing a smile, from the great joy the Lord brought to both of us. But there was one photo she took that imprinted an image, not just in the data of my phone, but in my mind and my heart. It was this photo of our feet:

There is a verse in scripture that came to mind immediately for me. How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings glad tidings, announcing peace, bearing good news.
 -Isaiah 52:7

I look at little Natalie's feet and I can't help but feel overwhelmed by the beauty of them. At 9 years old, this little child, abandoned by her natural family, has been blessed with a family of nuns who run the orphanage, along with 50 other children.* She, in all her rights, could be an angry child, full or rage for being abandoned, and full of questions of God's love of her, yet she lives simply in the peace of the Lord and others, because those who were not her family at birth have taken her in and care for her. She has found family through the love of those serving God. She has found peace and glad tidings from the many feet that have trod across that space, be it passing by missionaries or the sisters at the orphanage, and she herself, because of that, brought glad tidings to me on the mountaintop too, and how beautiful are those feet that have done that for me?

I find great wisdom in Natalie. She has challenged me in my daily walk to bring glad tidings to others, regardless of my lot in life, announcing the peace of the Lord and bearing good news. Too often I let the words that escape my mouth, or even my presence, set a temperature of frustration and fatigue in a room. Too often I am not sharing good news at all, but gossiping or complaining. Too often, my feet, through perfectly pedicured and cared for, are quite ugly, for they don't at all times walk in the way of the Lord. What Natalie taught me in her joy of selfies, her sugar covered face, and her scarred and shoeless feet, is that I must find joy in the simple things, and let the love and light of Christ shine anywhere I am. Thank you Natalie, for the way you helped me to see Christ that day and inspired me to continue to walk in His ways all the days of my life.

I challenge each of you to reflect on the path your feet take. Do they lead you and others to Christ? If so, how? If not, what can you do to redirect your path? Trust in the Lord to lead you, for "In his mind, a man plans his course, but the Lord directs his steps." -Proverbs 16:9

Feel free to share your thoughts with me. It helps my heart to grow. Thanks!

*The orphanage where Natalie resides was completely pancaked in the earthquake of 2010. It was one of the rare days that absolutely no one was in the building, so all 51 children and those running the orphanage survived. Absolutely amazing.

Two Coins Too Little

*Image of the inside of the prison. The cells can hold up to 30 men with only standing room.

"Give out of your poverty." This is a heavy hitting phrase on the mission base in Haiti. I probably hear it a handful of times a day, and as much as I hate it, I know that it's something I need to hear.

It's no secret that Haiti is an impoverished country. Being here on mission I have met many teens who have only one meal a day, if that. They come from hard working families, who will do whatever it takes to provide for their children--unfortunately opportunities don't necessarily abound for families to provide food every day. They travel long distances just to get water, and it's not even filtered for drinking. I have seen children and adults walking those great distances with shoes that are falling apart. They really are living in poverty.  To them, I am rich. I have good shoes, good clothes, and food in my stomach every day. My natural inclination is to give to them what I have because it would seemingly fix the need. But, instead I am called to give them Christ and that means I must give to them out of my poverty, not out of my excess. Giving them my material things would be too easy.

So where I am I impoverished? In my energy, in my joy, in my patience, in my trust in God. In these ways, I have been the poor woman who gives her last two coins and even that is too little. They need and deserve even the energy that doesn't exist. They need someone to love them, to share the Gospel, and to forget about the comforts that await me in the states. They need me to give to them until it hurts. They need me to give out of my poverty so that they may experience Christ.

This hasn't been easy for me, but it has been in those moments where I feel completely impoverished, in my energy, my joy, my patience and my trust, that God moves in mighty ways. Here is just one way:

I had only 2 hours of sleep the night before we headed to a local prison to pray with the prisoners. I had no energy and quite the lack of joy. I was so tired, from the many long days and nights preceding this one, that I wasn't even sure how to pray for those things. Once we arrived to the prison, we had to wait outside, in the sun, for half an hour longer. It felt like an eternity. I was miserable and questioning why I came here. We finally got inside and I walked from cell to cell with the group, letting them do all the praying and the talking. As we were about to leave, the first cell, reserved for women only, was near the exit and I headed toward it. A woman in the cell called out to me and had a very large smile on her face. She put her hand out for me to hold. She remembered me. I had been there about two weeks earlier, when I sang and prayed with her. She began to cry all the while with a  smile on her face. She was so happy to see me...not because there was something so special or different about me, but because I took the time to pray with her the last time I was there. Clearly she had encountered Christ and that brought her joy, even in the midst of her terrible living conditions. Her joy was then contagious and on a day that I really needed it, she brought Christ to me in return. I forgot about myself and gave her my hand. It was a brief encounter, but a lasting one. That joy helped me to carry on through the day, to serve and to give out of my poverty to others I would meet. So, even when I felt I had given the last two coins, it was in fact too little...there was still more to give as the woman in the cell reminded me.

Please continue to pray for this mission as we lead teens, and the people of Haiti, closer to Christ.  Pray that I can continue to give out of my poverty.

Engaged and Sent: Marriage Prep and Haiti

This year I’ve had two big proposals, both prompting a mighty big yes, and a lot of unknowns. Just one month after I agreed to serving a summer mission in Haiti, Ian asked me to be his bride, which of course I happily said yes to as well. My yes to him, stirred a yes from him to join me in Haiti…so here we are. Engaged and sent… on mission!

Many have called us crazy for agreeing to a summer of hot and humid weather, cold showers, questionable water, bug nets over our beds, unknown adventures/challenges, and a slew of other things. But most of all, we have been asked a million times, “What are you going to do about the wedding in November!?” This has been my favorite question, because it allows me the opportunity to share mine and Ian’s heart on what we’re preparing for: a marriage, not a wedding!

A wedding lasts one day, and a marriage lasts a life time. Sure the cake needs to be ordered, a DJ hired, dresses found, and invitations sent out…but the most important thing is to work on our relationship so that we enter a lasting marriage. What better way to prepare for marriage—a lifetime of being selfless, serving one another and being challenge and uncomfortable—than to spend 3 months in a foreign country, leaving all comfort and predictability behind? 

Since the moment we said yes to this mission, we have gone through many ups and downs. From trying to fundraise the money to be sent, to airline tickets, packing, getting finances and bills in order to leave for a long duration, joining bank accounts, sending out save the dates for our wedding, finding my wedding dress, spending time with family and friends before leaving, and a ton of other things that inflicted stress and anxiety, we have learned that we can get through anything together as long as we keep Christ as the center. This truth has only been more evident upon our arrival here in Haiti. 

We have been tested in our relationship by the hot weather (that makes anyone cranky), the long days and nights, the bumpy and long drives around the country, the lack of sleep, the same food every day, the cold showers, the giant tarantulas and packs of mosquitos. We have been challenged to make time for one another in the midst of community living, on a base, where there is no place you are truly alone. We have been challenged to find ways to communicate in private without privacy, and even more in being kind to one another when we are hot, humid, and frustrated with a task. But the answer has been the same through each test. God wins. Not just his love of each of us individually wins out, but his love of us and his blessing of us as a couple preparing to enter the Sacrament of marriage wins. Beyond the challenges, I am in awe of the incredible blessings. 

Seeing Ian give a talk to the Haitian teen boys about being men of God, or the way he lights up when he is serving others, or working on building a roof/a wall—whatever—has blessed my heart and made me fall more in love with him. Watching him be selfless when I was sick and uncomfortable in another country, bringing me food because I was too weak to get it myself reminded me of the vows we will make to one another in November. Yes, we are here serving the people of Haiti, sharing Christ with them, but I can see that God needed us here to help us prepare for marriage. 

We have had Haitians, and visiting Americans, share their joy with us that an engaged couple is serving on mission together, and while we are flattered, we are also truly humbled. As an engaged couple, who is sent on mission, we have been entrusted with a lot and so much is expected of us here. Please keep praying for us as we strive daily to grow in holiness and set an example for those we encounter. Pray that our relationship continues to withstand the challenges we come across and that we can inspire others in Haiti (where there is a VERY low rate of marriage) to commit not just to Christ, but to one another, keeping Christ at the center in family life. 

Be assured of our prayers for you too! And, keep your eyes open for weekly updates and glory stories from the mission.

Spray it, don't say it!

Nope, that's not a typo. Sure, the typical wording may be "Say it, don't spray it" when it comes to spewing sentences and overactive salivary glands, but when it comes to love... it's completely opposite. Saying it is simply not enough.What we do has to show that we love, and furthermore, that we love because we were first loved by God.

 "Children, let us love not in word or speech but in deed and truth" -1 John 3:18 

I don't know about you, but I hear and even speak of love all the time. I love the weather today. I love your shoes. I love my job. I love my iPhone. I love this song. I love this show. I love my new car. I love this restaurant. I love this city. I love this country. I love you. I love him. I love her. I love Jesus. I love everything! That sounds like a whole lot of love--but that's the problem. It's just a sound, like resounding gongs and clashing cymbals. But love requires a lot more than sound, and sometimes no sound at all. We hear about what it means to really love all the time. All the greatest saints and even songs on the radio explain that our lives have to be proof  of love. We can't just talk about it... we have to live it! Even love songs that have nothing to do with God talk about love as an action. I mean, I can tell someone I love them a lot, but would I catch a grenade for them? Or let's get old school, what was it that Meatloaf just wouldn't do for love? Furthermore, what won't WE do for love? Will we not show our love in simple ways, like listening instead of talking all the time, being the first to call just to say hi, sending a card in the mail, thanking someone who never gets thanked, or even in mighty ways: feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, caring for the widowed and orphaned. It's time we stop talking so much about love and start living love.

Today, challenge yourself to show someone that you love them without words. It's tough, but I know you can do it! Now get out there and spray it, don't just say it.

Rejection: God's Protection

 

Rejection: We have all faced it at some point in our life whether we have been rejected, or we have done the rejecting. What is it about rejection that makes us feel so unaccepted, so unloved, or so unwanted? The better question is this: how can we undo the negative connotations we have  about rejection and understand how it is a beautiful part of God's plan? Simply, our minds must be renewed.

In being Catholic, a basic principal of our faith is in fact rejection. We must reject satan and all of his empty promises. We face rejection from the world when we follow Christ closely, and go against the culture to follow our moral beliefs. Even Jesus himself was rejected by those around him who did not want to hear the Truth. Reality is, rejection is inevitable and if you see it in light of what God is capable of, it is quite possible to see rejection as God's great gift of protection.

I know this is true for me. I can still remember thinking years ago that God was punishing me when he took a man that I loved out of my life. I look back now and I can't stop thanking God because if that man had never uttered the words, "I don't love you anymore" I would have settled and married someone that was not a part of God's plan for me. It felt like rejection then...but it was ultimately God's protection of me and my heart. I had prayed to God days before the break up that I wanted his will to be done, whatever would make me a holier woman of God. I told him he had to close the door if my relationship with this man was hindering my relationship with him. And, it hurt. Don't get me wrong. Rejection never feels good. But, I can say with complete certainty today that God was offering me protection and he answered my prayer. Sure, in my mind, he was going to answer my prayer by allowing me to grow holy with that man, but God knew that I could not do that, God knew that I was worthy of his greatest protection...and so are you.

Whatever you are facing in life right now, if there is something or someone you feel rejected by, try to look at it as God's gift of protection. Maybe God is not allowing that person or thing into your life because he wants to care for you. Surely, God has something better in store for you. He wants to bless his faithful in abundance, so don't settle for mediocrity in anything--not a job, not a relationship, not with your Vocational call, not in anything at anytime. You are worth the best that God has in store for you. So, hold out for the best. When you begin to see rejection as God's protection, your view on the world will change drastically and you will feel more accepted, more loved, and more wanted than ever before. And what better person to feel all of that from, than God himself?